Specializing in the art of soothsaying, prevarication, metaphors, puns, and self-delusion.
Psychic Note: These predictions were received in a foil lined laboratory, caution must be observed when futuring at home, it has been known to freak out cats.
Required disclosure statement by the Art Psychics Union,
Prognostication Accuracy Rating: 0.36%
Dear Readers,
Over the holidays I have been busy tuning up the ol’ futuring machine, removing rust and installing new psychic spark plugs, now she’s hummin’ down that proverbial highway of fate.
2010 Predictions
-In order to keep his studio orderly, a neatness obsessed, easily distracted artist invents a transparent pen, then can’t find it.
-Right brained aliens will land with a saucer full of intergalactic artists, flooding the already
saturated world art market. The United Nations retaliates with a project to send earth artists
to outer space.
-Canine experts will report that dogs can paint…we already knew that. Have you ever set up your paintings next to a painting dog, guess who gets the most sales?
-Art historians will discover that the pitchfork depicted in Grant Wood’s painting American Gothic was the same one used by TV Show Green Acres star Eddie Albert. After the show was canceled, the pitchfork’s career plummets and is found in the rain, with its handle broken, behind a barn in Missouri.
-His biographers will reveal that revered 20th Century realist painter Edward Hopper was deathly afraid of hopping bunnies. Ironically his parents originally were going to name him Harvey.
-Late in 2010, an artist becomes distraught when a car mistakenly crashes through his photo-realistic mural of a parking garage. All turns out well when it is eventually sold for a tidy sum, to a modern art museum as sculpture of a car crashing through a photo-realist mural of a parking garage.
-This year The National Endowment For The Arts will declare film photography dead. California photographer goes berserk.
-A woman sues a fine art painter for pain and suffering, saying his painting is so beautiful it hurts.
Cosmically yours, The Art Psychic
