This week newly appointed Art Czar Rusty Krust found himself perplexed by his staff’s apparent lack of enthusiasm during the newly formed U.S. Artland Revitalization and Development Office of the federal government’s Creativity Rehabilitation Project ribbon cutting ceremony. Holding up an obviously recycled plastic wine glass at his office welcome party, Krust was quoted,

“Sure, I have begun some cost cutting measures, for example, this instant wine being one. A little tap water, a spoonful of dehydrated Chardonnay Powder, and a dash of Splenda and you have yourself one scrappy little White.”

Sensing a pall of gloom cloaking the group gathered to inaugurate his staff’s new digs, this reporter noticed a flicker of  momentary panic in his eyes. But like a true denizen of the bureaucracy, Mr. Krust was quick to spin it for the best. He spouted, “Take heart, we won’t always be domiciled in the back parking lot of the Dept. of Agriculture. These  FEMA trailers get a little getting used to, but once the Louisiana mud is hosed off and the rust holes duct taped, they won’t be half bad. There are jobs in the arts to be had, our office plans to put artists to work painting logos on forest service utility vehicles.”

He went on to explain that in these times of cost containment all unnecessary frills have to be curbed in order to get the nation’s economy back on Track. Pointing out that most of the recent stimulus package has gone to the banks, he said, “Artists have to be patient, needn’t be so greedy, their turn will come.”

“We need our bankers to be happy so they will be kind to us.”

The room was nearly empty by this time, most of the staff having departed for their cars, leaving a a trail of footprints made visible by Louisiana mud.

Doan Bleevit,  for Faux Art News, reporting all the news thats fit to fake.