Long simmering tensions erupted in the normally quiet seaside community of Santa Barbara, California, playground to the rich, near rich, and wannabe rich, which played host to the National Art Writers and Critics Annual Conference at the posh Red Sail Yacht Club. Tempers flared as the conservative monosyllabic faction of the conference entered a motion to have the word juxtaposition removed from the organization’s list of officially sanctioned words to be used in critical reviews. With echoes of the convening gavel still reverberating down the corridors of the Red Sail Inn, Thor Hammertoss the newly elected president of the writer’s group called for a special amendment to the charter condemning the offending word and asking that ten dollar words such as these be stricken from use in any and all critical articles written henceforth.
Speaking on a live satellite feed from his Texas Ranch, President Bush fueled the fires by siding with the mono-syllabics.
“Heh heh, Juxt-sopishin, juxtrapsishin, is, a, hard, word, I, am, for, not, using, hard, words.†Bush said speaking extemporaneously to the writer’s conference.
It was left to a very pregnant Destiny Moonchild of Big Sur, spokesperson for the hastily formed progressive Literacy Defense League to stem the onslaught. Ms. Moonchild, somewhat nonplussed by Bush’s impassioned support of the conservatives, spoke up saying,
“J U X T A P O S I T I O N, is so pretty, where else can you use J, U, and X in the same word, and use it over and overâ€.
Destiny’s melodic voice quieted the throng, a reverent hush came over the assembly as she managed to juxtapose beauty, art, freedom, Jesus, and the First Amendment, in a soliloquy for the ages. She was met with thunderous applause there in the Sunset Room, in the end the voice of reason prevailed and pedestrian mono-syllabicism was defeated in favor of esoterica. Emotion spent, they all sat in silence and finished their crab cakes.
By Reilly Knott Truman, Faux Art News
Postscript: Destiny Moonchild has given birth to a 7 pound 6 ounce baby boy, juxtaposed next to him is his twin brother.
Congratulations from the staff of Faux Art News.
Thor Hammertoss resigned as president of the Art Writers and Critics Association
